Bitter Bite of Bit

November 1, 2019

Hola Bitcholas,

It's been a week. As such, I've been distracted and didn't get around to all of the things I'd planned or needed to do. It happens. But there was one glaring omission from the week that I needed to correct because it was of vital importance. I'm talking, of course, about the Nintendo Switch taste test.

What is the Nintendo Switch taste test? Glad you asked. The Nintendo Switch taste test is an inadvertent thing we stumbled upon earlier this week. It's not an 'internet challenge' or anything like that, it's my simple desire to taste my kids' games on their 'Switch. Had brought up the games a few days ago (for unrelated reasons) and someone let me know that Nintendo took the time 'bitterly flavor' the actual games so that kids wouldn't eat them.  

In case you don't know, kids seem to share this belief that if it can fit in your mouth, it MUST be eaten. Hairballs, Legos, Tide Pods, you name it. Anyway, Nintendo, hip to this sad fact, added some horrible flavoring to the games. Upon hearing this, I, of course, needed to taste them. Meant to do it earlier in the week but, like I said, I was distracted, so I forgot to pursue this very important endeavor. Until I got a text from our very own Mike Hawk at 8 o'clock in the morning. The text was simple, elegant, and only four words:

"Lick the game, man."  

You don't have to ask me to lick a game twice!  (???) So I did.

Rumor confirmed: the games tasted like f**king sh*t. Very bitter and reminded me very much of ear wax. I can't think of a single positive connotation regarding ear wax. You don't wanna look, smell, feel or, as is the case with the games, taste like ear wax. But they do. Tasted FIFA 2019 and Super Mario Party. Like Fruit Loops, each game taste precisely the same. Unlike Fruit Loops, the games suck. But that's fair because the games were meant for playing, not eating.

Before you roll your eyes and say, "No sh*t, Thrill!  Who doesn't know that?!?" Kids.

Until next time, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!!!

 

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